Talk:A Story to Read Alone at Night
Good writing. The plot is classically suspenseful; however, unless I missed something I might suggest that one or two of the little nudges and jolts (to both the reader and to Sara's house) lean towards pointless fluff. For instance, why would the person do things specifically to draw Sara's paranoia, like knocking or calling, if his/her "game" hasn't begun yet? The tense is also inconsistent; the first three paragraphs are in past rather than present. Considering the ending, I'd change those to match the rest instead of vice versa. This is an enjoyable pasta. Javer80 03:27, December 26, 2011 (UTC) Thank you for the constructive criticism. Will fix. Sonicx00222 03:29, December 26, 2011 (UTC) Thank you for pleasing my need for daily pasta. CreepyStoryTeller 11:15, March 18, 2012 (UTC) Article revision proposed Hello! I browsed this webiste earlier today, copying the first paragraphs of different pastas into OpenOffice and then edit them in hopes that this would give me some writing practice. I had been doing this for a while when I came across this story, I saw that it had some, or rather lots of room for improvment in terms of language and narrative, so I decided to edit the whole thing and after a few hours I was done. Now I am just wondering if I could publish my revised version anywhere so that it can be compared with the original and with time possibly replace it if people come to the consenus that my editing work has improved the pasta? (Italienchef) Feel free, you can replace this pasta with yours if you want. Sonicx00222 (talk) 21:05, October 26, 2012 (UTC) Okay thanks, but I would like some feedback to see if my version is really better, I mean I have chaged quite a lot of the language and the ending has been made a bit different to fit the other changes I made. Is there somewhere I could send my version for review first? (Italienchef) Get on live chat, I'll PM you my email. Sonicx00222 (talk) 21:14, October 26, 2012 (UTC) Sure, but can we do that tomorrow? I don't know how live chat works and it's getting late where I live now. (Italienchef) Okay, just post it under "A Story to Read Alone at Night (Revised)" Sonicx00222 (talk) 21:26, October 26, 2012 (UTC) Hello Sonic, so before I post my article I thought I should just add a disclaimer of sorts here. You see I am not a professional editor (obviously) so I may have made some mistakes while editing your story. I see now that you have written several stories for this site and had I been better editor I would read those in order to learn your tone and writing style as to maintain it in the story I edited. I am sorry if you feel that your story is “broken” now or anything and let me know if my editing isn't any good. Italienchef (talk) 10:05, October 27, 2012 (UTC) Um, I am new to the site so I don't know how to publish articles and add them to the article listing yet, so maybe it's easier if you just pm me your email adress over Live chat tonight? (or tonight were I live) II have figured out how that works now.Italienchef (talk) 11:45, October 27, 2012 (UTC) Nah, just forget about my edit, your story is good enough as it is.Italienchef (talk) 14:40, October 31, 2012 (UTC)